“I admit that my relationship with God has been more intellectual than emotional,” Prior tells us. “…To respond emotionally to God directly is more than I can bear. So God in his goodness has bestowed the gift of literature. Literature is like the cleft of a rock that God has taken me to, a place from which I can experience as much of the glory of God as I can endure. Great literature allows me, like Moses, to see the back of God.”

Last night, I had the honor and privilege of getting to teach our ladies Bible Study at church.  This summer we are studying James.

I was so excited, so nervous, so ready, so not ready.

This would be my first time to truly interact with a group of people at church beyond sitting in the balcony and participating in choir and Worship Team Ministry, since my ex-husband was arrested.  I’ve gone to no social events.  I’ve avoided the red room, the foyer, and the middle of the gym.  This was going to be a big step, because there was no place to hide.  But I was ready.  For the most part.

I prepared and prepared.  I studied the scriptures, I used my Logos, I bought a beast of a commentary.  I put a lot of time into studying.  I wanted to be beyond well-prepared.  I wanted to do a good job.  I wanted to make God “proud”.

But none of that happened.  No, instead God showed up and schooled me.

In the midst of those two hours, I learned that James very well could have been an unbeliever.  There was enough evidence that showed that Jesus’ mother and brothers (where was Joseph???) thought Jesus might be mad.  They may have even been embarassed by him.  And yet in 1 Corinthians 15:7, we are told that Jesus appeared to James.  But no more details than that.  At all.  What was said?  What was James’ reaction?  Why did Jesus appear to James alone instead of all his brothers at that point?  What did Jesus say?  I want to know, but like we saw last night, it may just be none of our business.  It may have been a very intimate, personal moment between Jesus and his half-brother.  This is not-nothing.

There is so much more to what came out of studying last night.  So much more.  When we were finished, I was overwhelmed.  Exhausted.  I slept better last night than I’ve slept in weeks, even oversleeping and not waking up until 7:10–a crazy thing for me who is nearly always out of bed by 5:00am.

I realize now how guilty I was in not first asking God to “show Himself” last night above and beyond my preparation, but I’m so thankful that He did.  So thankful.

Yes, I was totally schooled last night.  And so much the better for it.

Most of us find it very difficult to want “Heaven” at all—except in so far as “Heaven” means meeting again our friends who have died. One reason for this difficulty is that we have not been trained: our whole education tends to fix our minds on this world. Another reason is that when the real want for Heaven is present in us, we do not recognize it. Most people, if they had really learned to look into their own hearts, would know that they do want, and want acutely, something that cannot be had in this world. There are all sorts of things in this world that offer to give it to you, but they never quite keep their promise.

C.S. Lewis—Mere Christianity         

I kinda like slugs.

I don’t want them on me, of course.  But they can be kind of funny looking.  Like in the movie “Flushed Away”.

When my girl Keli was little little, she went over to our pastor’s house to play with his daughter.  We picked her up afterwords, and as we were driving home, she made this announcement:  “Pastor Olcott has DRUGS all over his house!”  After a few moments of questioning her, we figured out she meant SLUGS–she and her friend Annaliese had been searching for slugs outside in their yard.

While watching slugs is one thing, being a slug is a completely different thing.

Sure, there are times when we need to be slugs.  When our bodies and mind need rest.  When there is so much going on and our minds are in overdrive, that we find ourselves taking a slug night—-curled up in Jammies, with a mindless book or mindless movie.  But that’s not the kind of slug I’m writing about tonight either.

No, the kind of slug I’m addressing is something I’m having to fight in my own life right now, and maybe you have seasons of fighting it, too.

The verse that applies to this condition of sluggishness is found in the book of Hebrews, in chapter 6:11-12:

11 And we desire each one of you to show the same earnestness to have the full assurance of hope until the end, 12 so that you may not be sluggish, but imitators of those who through faith and patience inherit the promises.

The point of these verses is to encourage believers to persevere until the end.  The end of what?  The end of life here on this earth, whether we die and go home to heaven, or Jesus returns during our lifetime.

I love the word “earnestness” or “earnest”.  It means to show full seriousness in intention and purpose.  It is deliberate.  It is thought out.  It is real.

The entire book of Hebrews is an encouragement for believers to persevere until the end, but what does that look like?  First and foremost it demands hope.  Doesn’t suggest it, no–it demands it.  We have to have hope in order to persevere to the end, and we have to have the “earnestness to have the full assurance of this hope.”  It is not nothing.  It is not to be taken lightly.

I don’t know about you, but I find that hope tends to be an elusive thing in my life.  I have to intentionally fight for it–fight for what I know is truth to battle the hopelessness that attacks me in the mornings when I’m facing another day.  To battle the hopelessness that attacks me and tells me “You have no future”.  To battle the hopelessness that swirls around me in the middle of the night when I am awakened from a nightmare.  To battle the sin of unbelief, because that’s where hopelessness arises from.

How do we fight hopelessness?  Through spiritual disciplines.  Through service.  Through fighting sluggishness, which we will take a look at next.

Verse 12 hits the nail on the head:  “so that you may not be sluggish,”.  Good grief.  I know full well this kind of sluggishness.

What does a coach do when he recognizes that his athlete is becoming sluggish?  He typically pushes him or her.  To go farther, to go harder, to go faster.  They would never reach their goal if they were allowed to remain sluggish.  No; and we cannot persevere to the end in hope if we continue in sluggishness.

Instead of being sluggish, we are to be imitators–imitators of “those who through faith and patience inherit the promises”.  Like Abraham (see verses 6:13-15)  Abraham was patient.  He was not sluggish.  He was hopeful.  He persevered, never giving up His belief or faith in God.

What about you?  What about me?  I’m preaching this mostly to myself.  I’m in a very sluggish place right now.  A restless place.  A place where hope is once again elusive.  I don’t want to be here.  I don’t want to give up.  God has brought my crew and I so far, that to give up now would be cowardly.  Would be a waste.  Would be sinful.

But that doesn’t mean that the desire to give up isn’t there.

We must fight this sluggishness, through spiritual disciplines.  Yes, the common ones we think of:  prayer, reading Scripture, attending worship.  But also ones we might not recognize as spiritual disciplines.  Singing.  Worship.  Exercise.  Getting enough rest.  Fellowship with others.  Corporate worship, which I foolishly neglected today in a fog of hopelessness.

I’ll close by saying this:  Tuesday night I start teaching a Bible Study on the book of James.  This is a giant step forward for me.  Because I can’t hide if I’m teaching.  I can’t lock myself away from the world if I am teaching.  I have a responsibility to bring the truth of scripture to a group of ladies, and I take that responsibility very seriously.  I am excited.  But I am also anxious.  Anxious because this will be the most interaction I’ve had with people since my ex-husband was arrested.

I think I am ready.  I know I am ready.  But I also know that only by God’s grace will I be able to stand fast and share from Scripture what He would have us to learn together.

I found this list by Jon Bloom, on how to fight this sluggishness.  I’ve typed it up, printed it out, and tacked it to my board above my desk:

1. Identify the doubt. Sluggishness has a cause. What is sapping your faith?
2. Repent. Unbelief is a sin. Seek to actively turn from it.
3. Target that unbelief with biblical truth. Stop whatever else you may be doing for devotional reading and focus on and pray through texts that deal directly with this issue. Lay aside your other book reading and read things that address this doubt.
4. Don’t go it alone. Humble yourself and share your struggle with trusted counselors God has given you. Our great Coach often speaks through assistant coaches (Hebrews 3:13).

Maybe you are in a sluggish place, too.  Maybe you need to pray the verse in Hebrews 12: 12-13 that I’m praying as I go forward to slay this sluggishness and do what God has called me to do:

12 Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, 13 and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed.